That Which Stings...

I remember hearing a guy say that if someone leaves your church and it doesn't bother you then something is wrong. I used to think that was stupid. If they wanted to leave then let them. But since I have been a pastor, people or teenagers leaving and going somewhere else or nowhere at all stings. It actually hurts pretty bad. You spend all this time, energy, money, and more investing in them and they just walk away. It makes you second guess yourself. Did I do something wrong? Did I work hard enough? Am I in the right business? Did I "chase" them fully? You feel betrayed. How could they just leave after all you have done for them? And the vivid awkwardness that occurs when you see them out in public is thick. They get nervous and uncomfortable and rightly so but I still feel bad for them. Do they even know what they have done by bailing out? It is the dark part of this job. The part no one will ever understand unless they are in these shoes. I know most of the real reasons why people leave, particularly teenagers. I can blame these rotten parents that don't give two cents about their children. They have taught them one thing: inconsistency. To bail out when things are hard or just when you feel like it. I can blame the seasons of the church, the high's and low's. The "big" and "flash" and "toys" aren't here right now. I can blame the need to fit in and the friends that pull them away. I can even blame myself for not doing enough. But none of it takes the sting away. It still hurts. It still plays with my head. But here is the deal. We sometimes focus so much on those that leave that we neglect the ones that stayed and that is where we must put our energies. I'm not writing anyone off, I'm just going to shift that energy that went to the few that left and invest in the ones that stayed. Maybe it will make this stinging in my soul disappear...